listening to: phantom planet.

i have to say, today was sort of odd. a morning of sex and "behind the music" and an afternoon of phonecalls. a typical sunday, yes, but my afternoon was spent at home and i'm not used to being not with sid when there is nothing to do anymore. my free time has been sid time for months and just me time felt a little weird. which makes me feel weird. i had a lot of work to do, some of which i did. some of which, i did not. i spoke to akiyaa. she's doing well. shana is moving to LA to be taylor "tell it to my heart" dayne's personal assistant. biana is leaving connecticut and her swank ESPN jobby job tomorrow to come home for a couple of days. she and mike used the "L" word last night but they were on ecstasy so i don't think it really counted. but maybe it did. cause i think they both think it when not on passe hallucinogenic drugs. anyways. i am tired. and i miss my boyfriend, though i'm trying to all beyonce and independent and stuff. so far, i've just eaten m&ms though. sigh.

so sid and i are going to see le tigre tonight. it will surely be a delightful indie rock capstone to the summer which is just about over since i start work in exactly one week from today. sigh of sighs. i am listening to prince. baby baby when i look at you...
anyway.
drama abounds with cory and juli and i lack the energy to really get into it this afternoon. but it made me really sad last night. now i'm actually sort of pissed off. but whatever.
i'm sleepy.
i ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and it wasn't really that good because the bread was sort of stale. but i digress.
xo.

boo.

perhaps i deserve all of the terrible things that happen to me from time to time. i rejoice in your misery. some random girl is breaking your heart and this makes me smile. even though we haven't spoken in months. even though you never really mattered. even though i never knew you knew you. it makes me feel better. absolved almost.
which is bad and wrong.
but fuck it.
you're an asshole and you deserve to be as unhappy as you are.
i would like all of the hours i wasted on you back.
(this diatribe was interrupted by my boyfriend who came bearing free passes to see superchunk the fifteenth because he the best and most raddest person ever. yes. i did just say "most raddest.")
that is all.

it's funny writing here when i haven't in so long. but. what can you do? yeah. i'm not feeling like a wise egg today so you'll have to excuse me. i went out with biana last night. it was...not so fun. she was in a weird mood. it seemed like she was kind of, i don't know. on the edge. or on the verge. of, like, breaking down completely and freaking out. she was totally unable to do anything. park the car. decide where we she wanted to go. walk. i felt bad. and tired. we wound up having coffee and dessert at this place right by school. we sat at a tiny table surrounded by big, russian guys in wind pants, on cell phones. it was a long night. today i went to the gap. got my hair blown out. sat around the house. i spoke to jay for awhile but that was sort of weird because we don't really have anything to say to one another anymore. or we do but things get messed up. i hate awkward conversations. particularly when they're with people i shouldn't feel awkward talking to. oh well. i need to nap and then i need to go and kiss my boyfriend because i miss him a lot. a lot a lot.

jimmy eat world is so good. why is that? one's got to wonder.

still not too much to say. i saw some of 'america's funniest home videos' tonight for the first time since the sixth grade. i laughed out loud at a cat dressed as santa. i should be shot in the face.

if only i had something to say.

if i'm so white, why do i like this lil kim song so much? huh?